Why is there a divide between stay-at-home (s@h) moms and working moms? It's no secret that Heidi and I both work full-time outside of the house, and if you know us at all, it's also no secret that Heidi would love to be a s@h mom if she could swing it financially. I, on the other hand, fully admit that being a s@h mom isn't for me. Someone (a s@h mom) recently told me that s@h-ers will never understand why I want to work. Why? I COMPLETELY understand why s@h-ers want to stay home. It sucks to leave your happy baby every day, who thinks you're the funniest person in the world, to go to a day of non-stop meetings, corporate politics and grouchy people. I also think being a s@h mom is probably the toughest job out there. I have complete respect for s@h-ers.
But, it isn't for me. I took 12 weeks of maternity leave and it was brutal. Ryan would come home to me crying many days because I was so lonely. We soon realized that I needed to get out of the house once a day, even if just for a long walk. I would beg my friends to meet me for lunch, walk around the mall and often just showed up on my mom's doorstep. I loved my baby more than anything, but I was ready to go back to work.
Since Cambria is 10 months now, we've been getting involved in all the first-time mom activities - baby yoga, swimming "lessons," etc. In all of these scenarios, I'm asked right away if I'm a s@h mom or not. And, there seems to be a clear divide in these activities of s@h-ers vs. working moms. It's the strangest thing I've ever seen.
So, to all the s@h moms out there - do you hate us? I find that hard to believe. I really want to believe that we can respect each other's decisions and realized that s@h or not, we're all moms. We could all use a margarita, fried food and chat about ANYTHING but poop now and then, right?
-M
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I think it is in you AND Cambria's best interest that you are not a s@h mom. It's hard for me to put up with you for 8 hours a day so I can't imagine how nuts you drive Cam sometimes. You know I mean this is a good way, right? With the same love and concern that people show when they utter, "Boy, you look huge!" to someone who's in her third trimester?
ReplyDelete-H
You are a social bug you could never stay at home unless all of your friends did too!
ReplyDeleteYou are SO right about the attitudes. As I have experienced BOTH (my first 2 were in daycare and I started staying home after my 4th was 5 months) here is my perspective:
ReplyDeleteI think it has more to do with "things in common" (or lack thereof with the other) as to the point that the s@hs and wms (working moms) tend to seek out the same as they are. It is also that some s@hs are jealous of the independant wm too! I would love to go to lunch everyday, talk to other adults, know that I am contributing financailly to the family, stimulate myself intellectually etc. It's just that you can't have it both ways. If we could all just put the jealousies aside and celebrate our children, which we DO have in common, it would all work much better. We need to come together as women and mothers and stick together instead of being pitted against eachother. It all seems silly to me. Being at home is hard and I couldn't have imagined doing it early on in our careers and/or with just one or two kids.
- A
i totally understand where you are coming from. I always get asked "and what do you do?" I just say "nothing!". I cant help but wonder why they ask and if I am nothing in their eyes now cause I dont have a "real job"...
ReplyDeleteI get to stay in my pajamas all day if I want with my kid!
but I have always preferred staying home vs. being around wackos for 40 hrs. a week. having a kid just gave me a good reason!
-abby
I really don't know at all what you would be talking about. My life as a SAHM is more like Fergie's G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S....I turn my nose at you working moms...I mean who has the time to work??? I am so busy with my high class functions and such...Ok, so I am TOTALLY LYING!! It's funny cause I do think some people do judge others on this topic, but usually because they aren't really that happy with their decision either way. I myself was a VERY happy SAHM to Maggie. Now that I have Cal it is harder. I miss the adult interaction. I miss the work bullshit. However, I did stay at home with my first, so I have this guilt that I should stay home with my second. Along with the fact that I really do LOVE being with him. I get both sides...shouldn't we all???
ReplyDeleteSAHM do not hate working mothers! We love you - you are our links to the modern world. We LIVE for your water cooler gossip and love to hear about train wrecks in the work place. Especially, if there is an affair or someone getting escorted out by security. I think I miss the socialization at work much more than the work or the work politics!!
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