Say What?

You know when you are seriously dating someone and you get asked over and over when you’re getting married? And then as soon as you get married, you get asked when you’re having kids? Well, that doesn’t stop when you have your first baby. Almost as soon as Cambria was born, we were asked when we’re having another. I mean, come on. I know that the 24 hour labor without an epidural and colic-filled first 3 months will soon be erased from my memory, but I still hear Cambria crying in my sleep, even when she’s not in the house.

But, just like the questions about marriage and starting a family, it starts to wear on you. At first, you are appalled at the idea, then you laugh because you get the question so much and then it starts to sink in and you begin thinking about it. This happened for me when Cambria was 4 months old. We were celebrating Ryan’s cousin’s daughter’s (Kristy’s daughter, Allison’s) 1st birthday in September, when she told me she was hoping to get pregnant again by the end of the year. I couldn’t control my horror. “What? Why?” came out of my mouth. After I realized that was not at all supportive and very rude, I retracted with something more like, “I mean, really? Already?” She explained to me that she had always wanted her kids to be two years apart, so she needed to get pregnant soon to make that a reality. It hit me like a ton of bricks. We have also said we wanted our kids to be two years apart, but I guess I didn’t really do the math. And, the kicker is that Kristy had lots of problems during pregnancy. She had preeclampsia, had to be on hospital bed rest, delivered 8 weeks early and Allison was in the NICU for a few weeks. To this day, the thought of the tubes coming out of Allison’s tiny, doll-like body make me shudder. Every time I see that sweet little girl, I hug her a little tighter and thank God for helping her through that tough time. And, we’ve known that the chances of Kristy having the same complications are pretty good. To think that she’s ready to go through all of that again with a 2 year old really made me think.

So, I asked Ryan a few days later when he thought we should have our next baby. The look on his face must have been what I looked like to Kristy. When we decided to have Cambria, it was all about our feelings – the time feels right; I feel ready; we feel like we could handle it. But, when it comes to your second (and so on, as I’ve heard from my friends), it’s all about logic. Can we afford another one in diapers, daycare and more formula? What will be going on in our lives around that time? How old will Cambria be? Will she still be in a crib/in diapers/in daycare? But, I’ve decided that I can’t even seriously consider all of these questions until I’m able to bring it up to Ryan and he doesn’t look like he just saw a ghost.

M