Austin-isms

I am afraid that if I don't start writing these down, my horrible memory will erase them from my mind forever. Here is just a random sampling of things that have been uttered out of my five-year old's mouth over the years.

Anatomy
"Boys have penises and girls have chinas."

Sickness
After watching Austin helplessly become incapable of holding in diarrhea before he made it from the kids' bathtub to the pot and seeing it literally spew out onto the bathroom floor, I had scooped him up and rushed him into my shower (older brother Owen was still in the bath dry-heaving at what he just witnessed). Post floor clean-up, I poked my head into my shower to check up on him. He was kicking more liquid poop down the drain when he looked up at me and declared, "My butt won't stop pooping!"

Intervention
My precious Austin informed my dad awhile ago that "You (grandpa) are addicted to cigarettes." And then he added without a beat, "Just like Lydia (a preschool classmate) is addicted to lying." I am happy to say my dad quit smoking after that confrontation.

Drinking
He also informed my husband's grandmother that "Alcohol makes you crazy. Mommy doesn't drink too many adult drinks or she could drive into the creek (behind our house)."

Politics
He also bragged to the same ultra-conservative grandmother that "Mommy voted for Obama and daddy didn't."

Punishment
In one of their nightly bedtime debates, I overheard big brother Owen say that he wanted Austin to stop talking or he would tell on him and Austin would get a spanking. Austin fessed up "Mommy's spankings don't even hurt."

Sibling Love
I had asked both boys to go through their shared bedroom and pick up anything they wanted to give away...basically all of the things they didn't play with anymore. I thought this would keep them occupied while I tried picking up around the house too. Jaycee had to have been only 3 months old at the time. Things got mysteriously quiet and, next thing I know, Austin is giggling and waddling down the hall holding Jaycee's dangling noodle body underneath her arm pits in front of him. I say "Austin, put her down! Give her to me!" And he replies, "We can give this to Goodwill!"