Say What?

You know when you are seriously dating someone and you get asked over and over when you’re getting married? And then as soon as you get married, you get asked when you’re having kids? Well, that doesn’t stop when you have your first baby. Almost as soon as Cambria was born, we were asked when we’re having another. I mean, come on. I know that the 24 hour labor without an epidural and colic-filled first 3 months will soon be erased from my memory, but I still hear Cambria crying in my sleep, even when she’s not in the house.

But, just like the questions about marriage and starting a family, it starts to wear on you. At first, you are appalled at the idea, then you laugh because you get the question so much and then it starts to sink in and you begin thinking about it. This happened for me when Cambria was 4 months old. We were celebrating Ryan’s cousin’s daughter’s (Kristy’s daughter, Allison’s) 1st birthday in September, when she told me she was hoping to get pregnant again by the end of the year. I couldn’t control my horror. “What? Why?” came out of my mouth. After I realized that was not at all supportive and very rude, I retracted with something more like, “I mean, really? Already?” She explained to me that she had always wanted her kids to be two years apart, so she needed to get pregnant soon to make that a reality. It hit me like a ton of bricks. We have also said we wanted our kids to be two years apart, but I guess I didn’t really do the math. And, the kicker is that Kristy had lots of problems during pregnancy. She had preeclampsia, had to be on hospital bed rest, delivered 8 weeks early and Allison was in the NICU for a few weeks. To this day, the thought of the tubes coming out of Allison’s tiny, doll-like body make me shudder. Every time I see that sweet little girl, I hug her a little tighter and thank God for helping her through that tough time. And, we’ve known that the chances of Kristy having the same complications are pretty good. To think that she’s ready to go through all of that again with a 2 year old really made me think.

So, I asked Ryan a few days later when he thought we should have our next baby. The look on his face must have been what I looked like to Kristy. When we decided to have Cambria, it was all about our feelings – the time feels right; I feel ready; we feel like we could handle it. But, when it comes to your second (and so on, as I’ve heard from my friends), it’s all about logic. Can we afford another one in diapers, daycare and more formula? What will be going on in our lives around that time? How old will Cambria be? Will she still be in a crib/in diapers/in daycare? But, I’ve decided that I can’t even seriously consider all of these questions until I’m able to bring it up to Ryan and he doesn’t look like he just saw a ghost.

M

“I’m Just Sayin…”

Don’t get me wrong, I love my friends. Really I do. And my two current favorites are Nikki and my blog partner Melissa. (They are aware of this lofty status and realize they can lose it at any time because I have a large pool of friends from which to pick. This is not arrogance, just stating the facts.)

I love them because they get me, and I never have to put up a front around them. I love them because they tell me with no remorse whatsoever that I used to dress like my legs were two inches shorter than what they actually are and my abdomen too inches longer than what it actually is. I love them because they are my therapists, sounding boards and motivators all wrapped into one. And, most of all, I love them because they take care of me.

But there is always a yang for every ying. They annoy me because they always feel the need to “teach” me how to parent. (Have I mentioned I have three children and all are happy and healthy?) They freak out because I rotate my baby girl’s formula like they switch out purses. They questioned my decision to stop giving her acid reflux medicine when it seemed to do nothing (Yes, she continues to spit up, but who really cares? NOT HER…she just sits there smiling with a milky white waterfall bubbling down her chin half the day.) And don’t get me started on the brand of diaper debate. They both swear by their sacred brands and wouldn’t dare deviate from them. By contrast, how do my husband and I decide what to buy? We simply scan the aisle to see what’s on sale. Problem solved.

So, when I start to see them raise their eyebrows at one another in response to something I have or have not done for my children, I know their collective advice is coming (whether I like it or not). And it usually begins with the phrase, “I’m just sayin…”

Thankfully, they have grown accustomed to me “just ignorin.”
-H

Do You Hate Me?

Why is there a divide between stay-at-home (s@h) moms and working moms? It's no secret that Heidi and I both work full-time outside of the house, and if you know us at all, it's also no secret that Heidi would love to be a s@h mom if she could swing it financially. I, on the other hand, fully admit that being a s@h mom isn't for me. Someone (a s@h mom) recently told me that s@h-ers will never understand why I want to work. Why? I COMPLETELY understand why s@h-ers want to stay home. It sucks to leave your happy baby every day, who thinks you're the funniest person in the world, to go to a day of non-stop meetings, corporate politics and grouchy people. I also think being a s@h mom is probably the toughest job out there. I have complete respect for s@h-ers.

But, it isn't for me. I took 12 weeks of maternity leave and it was brutal. Ryan would come home to me crying many days because I was so lonely. We soon realized that I needed to get out of the house once a day, even if just for a long walk. I would beg my friends to meet me for lunch, walk around the mall and often just showed up on my mom's doorstep. I loved my baby more than anything, but I was ready to go back to work. 

Since Cambria is 10 months now, we've been getting involved in all the first-time mom activities - baby yoga, swimming "lessons," etc. In all of these scenarios, I'm asked right away if I'm a s@h mom or not. And, there seems to be a clear divide in these activities of s@h-ers vs. working moms. It's the strangest thing I've ever seen.

So, to all the s@h moms out there - do you hate us? I find that hard to believe. I really want to believe that we can respect each other's decisions and realized that s@h or not, we're all moms. We could all use a margarita, fried food and chat about ANYTHING but poop now and then, right? 

-M

Am I mean, lame or really smart?

I had to attend an unusually late meeting last week at work. I knew about it in advance so I scheduled my mother-in-law to pick up our baby girl and my husband offered to pick up our other two boys from school. The meeting wasn’t supposed to end until 5 (yes, that is unusually late for me), but turns out we ran ahead of schedule so I was able to leave work around 4:40. None of this may seem all that interesting, and it didn’t seem too out-of-the-ordinary to me either, until something dawned on me…

…I had at least 20 extra minutes in my day when no one needed me because no one but me knew about my whereabouts. I felt like the guy who escaped Alcatraz for one brief, glorious moment.

So, what did I do? I decided to stop by my middle child’s day care. I needed to make a copy of our zoo pass anyway so he could attend next month’s field trip. I walked in and announced, “I know my kid’s not here, but all four of my kids (my husband being the oldest) are together and I have time to hide.”

The funny thing is, both of the ladies at the front desk just nodded in complete empathy and told me to take a seat. They made my copy and allowed me to sit in peace. They are mothers too…and all mothers know how sacred quiet time can be.

I contemplated making a road trip to Canada when I returned to my car, but instead opted to go home (after all, the dogs needed to be fed and my second full-time job was about to begin). My 20 minutes of freedom was brief but outstanding.

-H

This S#%& Is Bananas! B-A-N-A-N-A-S!!

When your day consists of cleaning up other people's vomit, chasing away monsters, making up songs about diapers, talking with your husband about the consistency of poop and praying your daycare doesn't notice the little cough - all while wearing two sports bras because you're STILL drying up - there's no better way to sum it up than "this S#%& is bananas...B-A-N-A-N-A-S!" We know the song reference is a little old, but as a mom, do you really have time to stay up on the latest music, let alone fashion, movies and books (all of you who know Heidi knows she was NEVER up on fashion, but I digress). We originally thought about writing a book on mommyhood during our maternity leaves, but that turned into writing a few paragraphs in three months because our little angels demanded a bit more time than we bargained for. Does anyone really have the idealic maternity leave of sitting next to the pool, reading a book while the baby sleeps peacefully?

Anyway, the book has turned into a blog. If you're looking for the mushy blog about how we treasure every moment of our kids' lives (even though we do), you probably shouldn't subscribe here. This blog will be dedicated to real (and hilarious), everyday stories of being a mom.

We are great friends who work together. Heidi has three kids - Owen, 7; Austin, 5; and Jaycee (finally, a girl!) who was born in October. Melissa is a first-time mom to Cambria, born in June. If we were sisters, Heidi would be described as the athletic one and Melissa as the smart one. We will both write individually, so look for Heidi's posts in gray and Melissa's posts in blue.

TSIB,
M&H